It was early

Too early really. Even the birds were raising a sleepy eye in agitated curiosity. Oh but I had to go. I was on vacation after all, and everyone goes to see the official flag ceremony in Tiananmen Square. So I had to go and take a few of my own pictures, to add to the masses that already exist online. I grabbed my stuff in a sleep induced haze and left my hotel. Thankfully there was a taxi right outside, placed there by benevolent angels who took pity on my special case that morning. Cheered a bit, I hoped in and showed him my destination. Or at least what I innocently believed to be the location. But instead it must surely have been an irresponsible prank pulled by some editor at Lonely Planet that read something along the lines of "You're so ugly you're the reason China has a one child policy". So acting appropriately to the situation, with a look of enraged flabbergastion he violently pushed me out of his cab. And so there I stood for a moment, emotionally damaged and confused. Slowly I gathered my wits and moved on from the scene. I determined I must find another taxi quickly if I was to see the opening ceremony. I picked up my pace. There were several taxis going along the road, but none seemed to notice me there with my thumb beckoning to them. I must forever pay the price for being born with such a diminutive thumb. After a hundred or so passed me, I was beginning to become concerned. But at last! One seemed to be slowing down. Slowly passing me now. Maybe he's just out of gas. He stopped a block up ahead of me. Was he waiting for me? Excited by this chance, I quickly covered the distance and got inside. Would he take me to my destination? Upon nodding his approval, I was delighted beyond words! My enthusiasm was starting to lift his mood a bit as well. I figured I should snap a few pictures off while I was officially on my way. If I could just find my....oh no! Where's my camera? Frantically I searched, a haze of panic clouding my mind. I must have left it back in the other taxi! Oh heavens no. I screamed as a small child might upon being threatened by a stranger with a knife. Pleading with the taxi driver, who was at this point in a sate of frozen shock as well, I demonstrated my earnest desire to go backwards in the other direction. Back to my hotel. Was he even still there? Oh surely not. I could imagine his malicious smile as he discovered my camera, snickering delightedly as he stuffed it among his belongings and drove off. After an agonizingly long time we finally reached the hotel. I frantically paid the kind taxi driver and sped off to search for the evil man in the other taxi. He was still there! Now I thanked the overly zealous editors at Lonely Planet, for surely others have had the same fate today as I with this driver. I open the door and as politely as possible asked for my belongings. A look of confusion washed over his face. He stammered he had no idea about my camera. Oh such a good actor he was! But I knew better. I quickly wrote down his identity number and went to the hotel security. I knew they would help me. After explaining my situation, I finally managed to convince them to call the police over. At which point the police kindly explained to me that I must surely have gotten the wrong taxi driver. I was confused. Weren't they going to search him or something? And I demanded an answer to that very question. So they offered to let me search his vehicle. With gusto, I thought. And so I searched. And searched and searched. Where was the old badger hiding it? It was nowhere to be found! The dodgy police officer assured me I had got the wrong man. But this man was certainly the man I had seen earlier. The man who roughly evacuated me from his car. The taxi was even in the exact same place! Something must be amiss. Could I have actually overlooked it in the second taxi? My mind was a bit foggy at that point. Oh dear me, I thought. And not for the last time. There everyone left me; even the police tired of my wailing and abandoned me. Alone I stood, shattered and broken. And with half a vacation left to enjoy.

So

Three years is a long time to live abroad. Now that I'm back home, I'm enduring some serious reverse culture shock. Like, why is no one staring at me? Maybe they are, but they're much more subtle about it.